Eternal Misery
by PLLHalebSpoby
Summary: Sequel to "Hope Breeds." With A mounting new attacks on all four girls, plus Toby and a past that still haunts him, Spencer tries to find normalcy in graduating and starting a new academic career at college, but A and their threats, linger just below the surface.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer Hastings' hand all but flew across the paper as her personalized pink pencil erased and scratched out answers to complicated math formulas, fractions, decimals and word problems.

That's what she liked about math. It was abstract, it was distracting, especially from the real problems in her life, mainly A and their never-ending targets, she and her friends.

Being in the math world was comforting. In mathematics, there could only be one right answer. One, logical answer that erased any doubt, and could be one hundred percent accurate.

That's what she liked.

Not being confused, being absolutely positive that the answer she put down, would be the right one. The paper she was trying to complete in record breaking time, was a crucial pre-entry exam for college.

After vacillating for several months after her rejection from UPENN, Spencer had finally chosen NYU as her second choice college to replace UPENN. It hadn't been an easy decision, and she had spent many weeks consulting with her admissions directors, and even her Mom, before making it.

The distance wasn't favorable. It was over two hours from Rosewood, but they had one of the best law and psychology problems in the country, something that was of top notch importance to her, especially if she diverted from her original, chosen plan of law school and chose her second career objective of psychology.

That upcoming weekend, she had been selected, along with a handful of other NYU students, to partake in a weekend campus tour, that had been paid for by the school, and included the parents and school faculty as chaperon's.

Her mother, of course, had signed up for it.

Spencer didn't mind. Ever since her mother had gone out on a limb and had rescued Toby from all but certain serious jail time for his arson conviction, their relationship had, inexplicably, gotten closer.

"Hey," Toby said. "Got you some caffeine-"

"Thank you-"

_"And _some sugar."

Sure enough, she could faintly smell the delicious aroma of a cinnamon roll from the bag it had been placed in. Tearing her eyes away from the set of math problems, she reached in the bag and pulled out the food, along with her coffee.

"Thanks, Tobes," Spencer smiled. "I've been studying all afternoon, my eyes were starting to glaze over."

She had considered studying in her guesthouse, but she had spent so much time in there recently, that the appeal had started to wear thin, and the main house was out of the question, since her parents and Melissa were now living under the same, cramped roof.

The loft had been her first choice. For one, Toby had been gone most of the day, and the peace and quiet it offered, was incomparable.

She felt a twinge of guilt when he took a seat next to her at the kitchen table where she had been studying. She hadn't yet told him that she had been accepted to NYU, and she wasn't sure how best to approach the topic.

"So I have to tell you something," she began, avoiding his eyes, as she tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.

"What is it?"

"I got accepted to my second choice college."

"Really?" Toby's ocean-blue eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as he squeezed her hand. "That's _amazing, _Spence."

"Don't get too excited," she warned, holding up one finger as she sipped her coffee. "It's at NYU."

Toby's facial expression barely changed, as he studied _her _expression and how noticeably nervous she looked about the news, as if she would think _he _would think that was a bad thing.

"That's _great, _Spence!"

"The distance will present some challenges," the practical side of her pointed out. "And not to mention the fact that you have your new job, and I'm going to be two hours away in New York."

Toby shook his head in amusement. Typical Spencer and her uncanny ability to worry, even when things were, for once, going her way, both personally and academically.

"Spence, if our relationship can survive our parents, _A,_ jail, I think it can survive a two hour drive, plus some stoplights."

Spencer smiled softly. "How did I ever get to so lucky to meet someone like you?"

"You lowered your expectations," he joked, before closing the distance between them, and placed his hand tenderly on her face, before blessing her plump, expectant lips with a featherlight kiss. "I want you to go, Spencer, and I want you to enjoy that college."

"I love you."

"Just make sure you don't let some college dork steal your heart," he said, only half-joking as he pulled away from her.

"_You _have my heart, Toby," she reminded him. "No one else has that honor."

* * *

The morning of the trip to New York to tour the NYU campus, dawned. Spencer opened the double-wide doors of her walk-in closet and scanned the most collegiate looking ensembles she had in her possession.

"Knock, knock," Veronica said, already dressed for the trip at eight in the morning. "I brought you something," she smiled, before taking a seat on her bed.

"Really?" Spencer asked. "What?"

"Just something special for you to wear. It's nothing fancy, but I thought this was a special occasion, and you should look your best."

It was a white blazer ensemble with a skin tight black skirt to go with it, paired with matching high heels. Spencer recalled, distantly, before Melissa had become the apple of her parent's eyes, how she and her mother would go shopping for clothes like that.

It was a fond, but distant memory.

"Thanks, Mom," she whispered, fingering the thin fabric in her hands. "I love it."

"Oh, honey, I'm so glad. It just seems lately that we haven't been connecting as much."

"Oh, Mom, you should have said something!" Spencer laughed. "I'm just across the _yard_."

"I know, I know," Veronica said. "Just a little moment of weakness, I guess. We have a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, we do. We should get going."


	2. Chapter 2

"So how was it?" Hanna asked over lunch the following week, at school. "Was it good? Did you see any of those preppy, nerdy college dorks?"

"Jeez, Han, slow down on the tootsie rolls," Spencer said, before taking a small sip of her frappe. "It was _great_, I _did _see some of those geeks, but for the most part, I took the opportunity to tour the campus, talk to some of the professors, and get the lay of the land."

"Any time for play?" Aria asked, dipping her fry into some ketchup as she fixed her eyes on her best friend.

"My Mom and I went to this art museum the first night, and then we checked into our rooms and got room service, and watched _really _bad cable."

"Sounds awful," Emily laughed. "We're just glad to have you back."

"Thanks, guys."

The trip to New York with her Mom, had been a dream come true in many ways. For one, she was escaping the confines of Rosewood, and venturing out to a city that had as many opportunities as skyscrapers, and she had actually spent one, harmonious weekend with her mother.

The college campus tour had gone off without a hitch, with her mother playing a supporting role in the production, as Spencer bravely held her Hastings chin up and conducted her own questions, her own foresight into the programs and what they had to offer.

"So are you actually going to _live _in New York this fall?" Hanna asked, fixing her eyes on her friend. "For real?"

"Yeah," Spencer nodded. "And then on the weekends, probably Friday, I'll drive here and spend until Sunday night, and then go back."

It would be stressful logistically, financially, not to mention _physically_, but she was determined to keep the bond she had formed with the girls, and especially with Toby. If driving back and forth to Rosewood was the only solution, so be it.

"But what about A?" Hanna pressed. "Don't you think that bitch will take advantage of the fact that we're going to be apart, and use it to unveil another terrifying form of torture?"

"Yeah, I mean, your concerns are valid, but I also can't live the rest of my life being controlled by what A might or might not do. I can't. I have too much riding on this to let A ruin it now."

"We'll be okay," Aria said bracingly. "It's not like we have to be joined at the hip for the rest of our lives."

"It'd be a hell of a lot safer," Hanna murmured, munching down resentfully on her French Fry.

Spencer nodded thoughtfully. It had been a consideration of hers while she had been applying to NYU, but she refused to be held hostage by A any longer.

"So what are you planning on for your birthday?" Emily asked. "Do you know where it's going to be?"

Spencer's birthday was in April, right after spring break started, and right before graduation. It was a pivotal month both personally _and _academically, and she and the girls had always taken advantage of that.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Toby and I are going to the lake house this weekend to set up for it."

It was a mystery even to her why she liked setting up for her own birthday party. Perhaps it was the natural part of her brain that she had been endowed with, that liked to be in control of things, but she had always played a part in the planning of her parties.

"That will be great," Aria said supportively. "You guys need this time."

"Yeah," Spencer smiled. "We do."

* * *

Her slender legs couldn't carry her out of that brick building fast enough after the final bell rang. She and her mother had spent the entire weekend in New York, and she couldn't wait to see Toby, especially after having to delay their reunion because of a pesky thing called school.

"Hey," Spencer said, smiling softly, as she finally made it up the metal steps to the loft, and was firmly entrenched in her boyfriend's presence. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," he smiled, before enveloping her in his all too warm embrace. "How was your weekend?"

"It was very satisfying. I met with my college professors, and I toured the dorms and campus. It was nice."

"Good. How did it go with your Mom?"

"It was nice. We got a hotel and we ordered in room service, and watched bad cable all night," she laughed. "I got you something."

Toby's ocean blues widened in curiosity. "You _did_? What?"

Spencer smiled coyly, before extracting a small, plush teddy bear from her bag. "It's nothing much, but my Mom and I went through Harrods, and I thought he looked like you."

Toby smiled softly. "I love him. Thanks, Spence."

"I had an idea," Spencer said. "One that, if I were you, I would take."

"Oh, yeah?" He said, circling his hands around her tiny wrists, as he pulled her closer. "What's that?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the lake house for the weekend. I'm going to hang up some decorations for my party, and it would give us the time to spend together. What do you think? Do you accept my offer?"

"I most certainly do, Spencer Jill Hastings."


	3. Chapter 3

The smell of the wood stove heating up, enshrouding the cabin in a thick cloud of heat, the smell of chicken and rice slowly coming to fruition, Spencer had never felt more at peace as she looked over her precious meal.

Peace had become such a foreign word to her recently, that she almost forgot what it meant, as she carefully checked the chicken, before a pair of featherlight hands encircled her waist, pulling her back with a shriek on her part.

"Smells delicious," Toby murmured, his breath hot on the nape of her neck, as her eyes fluttered shut in response. "Did you take culinary lessons?"

"My-my mother," she whispered, her voice shaken. "You scared me," she teased, regaining some of her confidence, as she pivoted around to face her man. "How was your shower?"

"The water pressure was excellent, much better than mine."

"I'm glad," she laughed, shaking her head in amusement. "I'm almost done with dinner."

"No hurry."

Distractedly, she watched as Toby settled himself on the sheet-wrapped sofa in the living room, intent on catching up on some of the rest he had neglected when he had insisted on driving.

"You know you can take the sheets off the sofa?" She said, biting down on her bottom lip as she watched her boyfriend's ocean blue eyes widen, before he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm good."

"You can't be. The dust buildup in this place is unthinkable, and sheets, especially ones that haven't been washed, are prime targets for insects, dust and other germs."

"Fine, fine," he said, raising his hands in surrender. "You win."

"Thank you," she huffed teasingly, before giving a big tug to rid the sofa of the sheet. "There. Enjoy it all you want."

Watching with a secretive smile as Toby settled back on the sofa, his eyes softly fluttering shut in response to his body's natural tiredness, she went back to tending the food.

"This is great, Spence," he said later, as they sat around the sofa. Their plates resting under paper towel on her family's ancient, wooden coffee table.

"I should cook for you more often."

In truth, with how hectic their lives in Rosewood were, it often escaped her mind to make the time to cook him something, but she made a secret vow to start doing it more

"I wouldn't complain. So what are you going to do when the girls leave for school?"

The thought of separating from her friends to go to college, had never been an issue for her until A had irrevocably come into the equation, making the thought, a serious matter of consideration.

"Well, I'll probably be in school already when Hanna leaves for her fashion institute in the fall, and Aria is looking at schools in California. Emily's the only one who's waiting for right now."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Spencer nodded, swallowing back the surprising lump in the back of her throat. "Yeah, of course. We don't have to worry about it for a few months, anyway."

Toby nodded, giving her shoulder a supportive squeeze. "That's a good way of looking at it."

"How was your first day on the job?"

"It went _really _good."

Zack, the owner of the Brew, where Toby lived in the loft, and Aria's mother's boyfriend, had gone out on a limb for Toby, and had passed his name along to a friend of his that happened to be the head of a carpentry business.

The head boss, trusting his friend, had agreed to hire Toby on a trial basis and had quickly made the arrangement permanent after seeing his incomparable work ethic, and easy-going nature with his coworkers.

"I'm glad," she said, locking her chocolate brown eyes with his, as she angled her body toward his, to grace his lips with a gentle kiss. "You deserve it."

Ever since his arrest and conviction for arson, finding a job had been anything but easy, but he had stuck it out, and had finally come out on the other side.

* * *

Once the dishes had been washed, the food stored away for leftovers the following night, Spencer smile coyly at Toby, before taking his hand and leading him up the rickety, but firm steps, down the long hallway to the set of bedrooms.

"I would sleep in my parent's bedroom," she said, pausing outside one particular door. "But the thought of that gives me the skeevies," she confessed.

Toby's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why would we sleep in there anyway?"

"Because, for some insane reason I never comprehended, my parents never remodeled the room they did for me when I was seven."

"I'm game for anything," he teased. "Even Mary Poppins."

"Trust me, this is _much _worse."

With a resigned sigh, she wrenched open the door to her room, and flipped the light switch on. At first glance, the room resembled any other room that might be found in the house, but when her eyes were undeniably drawn to the wall where her bed was, she saw the life-size portraits of the Disney Princesses, and her matching princess-themed blankets and pillows.

"See?" She said, as they walked across the creaking floorboards. "I wanted this when I was seven, but now?"

Toby chuckled softly, as he plopped down the bed with a grin. "I don't see anything wrong with it," he contradicted, as he grabbed her gently around the waist, and pulled her down with him.

"That's because you're _you_," she groused, turning her head away from the embarrassing pictures, and laid her head across Toby's chest.

"Is that a bad thing?" He said gently.

"No."

She closed her eyes, smiling when she felt Toby's hand come to a rest on the small of her back, keeping her roped in place.

She was almost asleep, almost to the point where, if she wasn't careful, she would be lost to the world, when a phone beeped with a new message.

It wasn't hers.

"Toby?" She whispered. "Your phone."

When she extricated herself from the position she had been plastered in and lifted her head, she saw that he had already long since fallen asleep.

The last thing she wanted to do, was be a snooper, but she rationalized it by thinking that if something was wrong, they both would need to know about it. With careful movements, she reached across him and retrieved his phone from the bedside table.

It was a picture message. His mother's smiling face beaming up at him, accompanied by a message that made her heart stop.

_"I bet you miss her every day-A_


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep was a forgone impossibility, her nerves were too far on edge, her heart hammering out the beats of a bongo drum as she extricated herself from her Princess covers, and tiptoed across the wooden, creaky floorboards, and out of the room, down the hall and down the stairs.

It was six in the morning. Much too early for the eternal alarm clock that had been set in place for her since she was born, and her parents had set her rigid sleep schedule.

Coffee had been her best friend since her awkward, early pre-teen years, and it served her well now, as she set a blazing cup of it, and completed it with her customary three packs of sugar, and creamery.

Inhaling the searing hot liquid as it passed down her throat, she set the snowman-themed mug down beside her, as she moved her laptop to accompany her at the dining room table, and powered it on.

Searching for the dead's obituary should have been right up her ally, but she couldn't bring herself to let go of the wrongness of searching for Toby's mother's obituary, but it had to be done, and she knew that, in order to make sense of the A text that he had been sent.

It was easy. One click, and she was staring at Marion Cavanaugh's obituary from nearly four years ago. Closing her eyes against the sudden influx of pain she felt at Toby's loss, and swiping away a few stray tears, she began to read:

_The passing of Marion Cavanaugh is a great loss for many in Rosewood. She left us too soon, off to some new adventures, something the rest of us could not see. Although she was not a rich woman, not famous, she was Mom and Friend, and Marion. She was a kind soul and a bright spirit. She will be sorely missed. _

_A lifelong resident of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, Marion Cavanaugh was beloved by many. Having grown up in the small community, she had forged a lifetime of friends and touched many lives. _

_After attending Rosewood High, Marion went on to Nursing School at Hollis College and graduated as an LVN. She soon took a full-time job working for local Pediatrician, Dr. Laura Sylvester. Marion loved her job and would regularly express how fortunate she felt to have found a job where she could children become the healthy, successful people they would become. _

_In her private time, Marion loved the outdoors. Hiking and camping were passions of hers in her younger years, and even when the pressures of life prevented the exclusive trips, she never missed an opportunity to get into the local wilderness whenever possible. _

_Birdwatching became a hobby, and she would spend hours cataloging her sightings. Marion is survived by her husband, Daniel, and son, Toby._

Spencer was sure she scanned the entire obituary twice, with the same results, with the same eye every time. What would A have on Toby and his mother that would warrant blackmailing him over?

Unfortunately, she didn't have time to ponder that dilemma.

"Good morning," a husky voice, thick from sleep, whispered in her ear. "You're up early."

"Yes," she sighed, stretching out the kinks in her neck from her stooped position. "I just wanted to get some studying done for AP."

"Uh-huh," Toby said doubtfully, "and that _studying _would include reading my mother's obituary?"

Looking back at the lighted screen, she saw, to her horror, that she hadn't maxed out the screen that still had his mother's obit blaring up at them loud and clear.

She knew that she had two options. Either quickly come up with a convincing lie for her impromptu web search, or face him head on with the truth. Either option was terrifying in its own right.

"Last night," she sighed, deciding to go with the safest route. "You were sleeping, and your phone went off. I thought, I don't know, that it might have been an emergency, so I checked it."

"And what did you find?" He asked, his eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

"An A text."

_"What?"_

At least he didn't seem to know about it. That was good. It would explain why he hadn't clued her in before, and it would explain why A had only sent one recorded text message to him.

"A sent you _one _message last night," she whispered, handing him the slip of paper that she had written the message down on. "About your mother."

"And the message said _this_?"

"Yes."

* * *

A hot fire for a conversation had always been Spencer's preferred method of communication. Fortunately, the centerpiece of the living room was a huge fireplace made of the most exquisite brick, and full of memories.

"Here's some chamomile," Toby said softly, as he bent down to sit next to her directly in front of the controlled blaze. "I hear it helps calm the nerves."

"I should be drinking this stuff like water," Spencer said, letting a small smile grace her lips, as she scooted herself closer to her boyfriend. "So tell me about your Mom."

Toby inhaled a deep breath. It was clear that whatever had prompted his mother's stay in Radley, had pained him deeply, and the one thing she couldn't bear was seeing him in pain.

"She was-she was pregnant, and for the first time in a _really _long time, she and my Dad were happy, and then she had an accident and she lost it. After that, things weren't ever the same, and that's when she started to go downhill."

"Toby..." Spencer whispered, sniffling back tears of her own, as she reached for him, wanting to give him any comfort and erase the look of utter devastation on his face.

"She just stopped caring after she lost the baby. She and my Dad had been fighting a lot, and she thought that this baby would save the marriage, and when she lost it, it was like she lost hope."

"But why would A use that _against _you? What does that have to do with your mother dying?"

Toby looked up at her, his aqua eyes void of any understanding.

"I don't know, Spence."


	5. Chapter 5

After their talk, instead of retreating back upstairs to her detested childhood bedroom, they decided to make a fort out of the blankets and pillows on the couch, and camp out on the floor. Granted, it wasn't the most comfortable way to sleep, but with Toby's arm acting as a pillow, her slumber was insured and in the most peaceful way possible.

When the first morning rays struck, she groaned, turning her head away from the source of the harsh light as she tried to reclaim the sleep she had previously been enjoying. It had been so nice not to have any worries, and just be able to enjoy herself.

But the forces of mother nature had other ideas, and her body had naturally responded to the light that had broken out over the horizon. In the distance, if she strained her ears, she could hear the faint sounds of the morning boaters, and hear their loud, careless chatter.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," Toby whispered, removing his arm from behind her head and straightening up to a sitting position. "Better wake up before you get too cozy again."

"I don't want to," she childishly whined, as she pushed the knotted hair that was covering her face, out of the way. "I want to stay here forever, with you, and with this floor."

The floorboard groaned under the weight of Toby's shoes as he moved around. "I would love that, but if we do that, you know we'll never be able to get back up again."

"That's kind of the point," she reiterated, before admitting defeat and joining him in the kitchen, where he had already accessed the eggs, bacon and pancakes. "Are you going to prepare me a feast in apology for waking me up?"

"Yes," he said, leaning against the counter that divided them, and touched their noses together. "And then we'll hang up some of those decorations in the corner, and then pack everything up."

"Okay," she pouted adorably, before cozying herself at the island counter where she had a perfect view of the mastery that was Toby cooking. It wasn't a bad view, and she appreciated that.

Once the dizzying, but pleasant aroma of sizzling bacon and eggs overran her senses, she found herself relaxing more, letting go of some of the bunched up nerves that were making her go haywire

"This reminds me of when my Dad would gather us all up in this room, and we'd tell stories and laugh while he cooked these chocolate pancakes, and bacon."

"Sounds delicious. I wonder if my breakfast will be up to par with the Hastings standards."

"I'm more than sure it will," she replied, as he set down a steaming plate of buttered pancakes, and juicy bacon. "Thank you, this looks _delicious_."

"Anytime."

The food _was _delicious, especially when he picked up her fork and fed her some off his plate. They were in their own, perfect world, and she absolutely dreaded anything that would take them away from that.

"Toby," she began, avoiding his gaze as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I need to know how far you're willing to go with A. Have you even gotten any new texts?"

"Yes, and I'm not sure," he said, as he got up and grabbed their empty plates, and transferred them to the dishwasher. "A has information that I need, that I _want_."

"Yes," she began carefully, knowing she was treading on thin water, "but you have to consider A's track record, and what they ultimately _want_."

"I know that, but what if this is actually something _real_? What if I can find out what happened to my Mom?"

Spencer took a deep, comforting breath, before nodding acquiescingly. It wasn't her fight, and she knew that, but Toby was so new to the game, that he didn't know all of A's tricks like she did.

"Just promise me if A keeps messing with you like this that you'll stop. For me, please?"

He nodded, though it was definitely slower than she would have liked. "Okay."

* * *

Packing up her car, and making the few hour trip back to Rosewood, was bittersweet for Spencer as she watched the cars rolling down the highway beside them, and the different homes and farms that they passed along the way.

"What's on your mind?" Toby asked, a few hours into the journey, as he laid his hand on her knee.

"Not much."

It was obvious he didn't believe her. She could see it written all over his face. "You know, I what I'm doing with A, Spence," he said after a few minutes.

"No," she said with a scoff. "_None _of us do. That's the point, Toby. Any minute this whole charade could blow up in our faces, and she could actually try to kill us."

"I won't let that happen," he promised. "I'd rather die before seeing any of you suffer the sam fate."

"You're sweet, and potentially suicidal," she replied with a small smile. "But at least I know you have my back."

"Always."

Once the dust had settled, and she had gotten a chance to settle back in and take a refreshing nap, she met the girls at the Brew, their go-to place for meetings now, especially since Spencer hadn't had her coffee fix in awhile.

"How was it?" Aria asked.

"It was good," Spencer said, as she sipped her signature coffee drink.

"And did you guys-" Hanna began with a suggestive wink, but was cut off mid-sentence by Spencer.

"_Fraternize _on my Nana's sofa?"

"Well-"

"We haven't," Spencer interjected. "We have actual _bedrooms _to do that."

"Sounds like you had fun," Emily said.

"We did," Spencer smiled. "It was really fun."

She had vacillated between telling her friends the truth about A's blackmail and Toby's mother, but while Toby had never explicitly said he didn't want the other girls to know, she sensed that it was a delicate issue, and didn't want to intrude on that anymore than she already had.

"Well, you can't ever go away for an entire weekend again," Aria said, throwing one arm around Spencer's shoulders. "We can't be Team Sparia without Spencer."

"Yeah, yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

Spring break was nearing its end in Rosewood. It had been nice to travel to New York and see what the NYU campus had to offer her, especially since the trip also induced a bonding moment between she and her mother.

But it was also disheartening to realize that once the remaining school year was over, she would be graduating and leaving this town of horrors behind her. Getting out had always been a dream of hers, but now she had several other facets of her life to consider, most importantly, Toby.

"Can you believe that in two months we'll be saying audios to this place for good?" Hanna said, as they formed a united front as they climbed the oppressive steps.

"No," Aria shook her head. "I'm going to California right after, and you're going to the fashion institute, right?"

Hanna shook her head, biting her nails. "Not right away."

"And I'm going to be in New York," Spencer said, pausing to put her things in her locker. "I think it's just starting to sink in."

"You'll only be two hours away, Spence," Emily said, rubbing her shoulder bracingly. "You can come visit whenever you want to, and we'll come there."

"I know."

Going to state college hadn't been a thought of hers, especially after being rejected from UPENN, but the logistics of such a move, was still daunting to her. The emotional, as well as the physical toll, was wearing on her.

"Let's get to class," Hanna said, "if we're lucky, maybe we'll find a cute sub instead of Mr. Varner."

"I don't think we'd ever get quite that lucky," Spencer said, shaking her head in amusement as she followed her friends down the hall, that was now claustrophobic with students.

The classes, to Spencer, ran longer than usual as the teachers stressed the importance of achieving final grades to accompany their entry college papers.

It was a lecture Spencer had heard not only from them, but from her parents. It was old news to her, as she bowed her head and focused on the work before her, trying to drown out her teacher's voices.

"Think we can blow this pop stand early?"

"Hanna, no," Aria said. "We only have another two months. I think we can survive."

"Speak for yourself," Spencer muttered, before checking her phone for any missed messages or calls.

"Hear from Toby today?" Emily asked.

"No, but I slept over there last night. He's probably at work."

"How's the job going?"

"Good, really good, thanks to Zack."

"I still wonder if she had something to do with setting him up," Emily said, looking over at Mona, as she sat and eagerly chatted with her French Club members.

"And if she's still recruiting," Hanna said, looking disgusted as she stabbed a piece of chicken.

* * *

After the final bell had finally rang, and the girls had been allowed to escape from the confines of the school, Spencer had made a straight baleen for the loft.

It had confused her why she hadn't heard from Toby, and why he hadn't even bothered to answer one of her calls or texts she had left for him.

"Hey," she said, using her own key to let herself in, as she glimpsed her boyfriend hunched over the couch, a stack of papers firmly clasped in his hand. "Why didn't you answer me today?"

"My phone was off."

Something about his tone wasn't right, and she knew that instantly, as she took a seat beside him, winding her arm around him, as he leaned instantly into the touch.

"Toby, what is it?"

Wordlessly, he passed her the documents he had been so intently studying when she had walked in. Bowing her mane of chocolate brown hair over the papers, she only had to read the first few words, before she understood.

"This is-"

"My mother's doctor at Radley wrote that report, the morning she killed herself."

Seeing his aqua eyes water at the edges with tears, was almost more than Spencer could bear as she set the papers aside. "What the report say?"

"It only left me with more questions. We need to go see the doctor. His name is Palmer, and he's still there, but only as a patient."

"Do you think you'll get the answers you want?"

"It's worth than a shot."


	7. Chapter 7

Going back to the depressing, not to mention, oppressive gates of Radley, was the last thing that Spencer felt like doing, as she comfortingly grasped Toby's hand, as he lead them through the secure doors of the facility.

"We're here to see Dr. Louis Palmer," Toby said, approaching the nurse's station.

Spencer recognized the nurse from when she had spent time there. She was a strict woman, but also compassionate in that she cared about her patients, and made sure they were looked after.

"Names?" she asked, without looking up, as she typed in the information.

"Toby Cavanaugh and Spencer Hastings."

"Very good," she said, handing them two visitors passes. "Mr. Palmer is in the green room right now."

The way the nurse looked at her, Spencer was sure she recognized her, just as much as Spencer did. Spencer wasn't eager to engage in pleasantries, though. The place was already reminding her of when she had spent time there, and she wasn't looking foreword to reliving it.

"Toby, can we make this quick?" she asked, keeping herself glued to his side, her sweaty hand firmly entrenched with his cool one.

"We're only staying long enough to find out how she was able to steal that key, and also find out what Dr. Palmer _didn't _put in her report," he whispered, making sure to keep his voice low.

"What he _didn't_?"

Toby sighed, as they rounded a corner. She had no idea where the green room was, but Toby seemed to know, so she contented herself with following his lead.

"My mother was telling him how excited she was to come home. Why would she suddenly do a 180 and kill herself?"

"I don't know," Spencer admitted. "But is it worth checking up on? Maybe this is one of A's tricks!"

"I'd pay a million bucks if it meant finding out what _really _happened to her."

Toby paused outside a door marked 'green room.' Spencer could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage as she swallowed convulsively.

"Toby, it's just," she began. "I haven't been back here since-"

"Spence, I'm sorry," he said, turning to face her as he soothingly cupped her face with his hand. "I didn't realize, I didn't remember."

Of all the things they had discussed after his miraculous return to her life, Radley had been left off the table. It hadn't been something either of them had wanted to revisit, so they hadn't, but it was still fresh in Spencer's mind.

"No," she said, taking a deep breath and smoothing her hair out of her face. "It's fine. I know finding out what happened to your mother is important."

"We can leave and come back-"

"No. We're here already. Let's do this."

Deciding to take the lead, she wrenched open the door and walked into the cool room, that was, fortunately, devoid of many other people, except the one they wanted to see.

"Dr. Palmer?" Toby asked, walking around the elderly man and taking a seat in front of him. "I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm Marion Cavanaugh's son."

Palmer chuckled. "Your mother, she was a special one. Take a seat, Toby, and who is the lovely girl you have with you?"

Toby smiled, winding his arm around Spencer. "This is my girlfriend, sir, Spencer Hastings."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you."

"Thank you. You, too."

"Have you had a chance to meet Toby's mother yet?"

Spencer paused, trading startled glances with Toby, before clearing her through. "No, I haven't."

"Well, that's a shame. She's a _lovely _girl."

"Dr. Palmer," Toby began. "I was wondering if you could tell me more about your final session with her, the morning that she...died."

The doctor shrugged in question. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"Did she _say _anything to you? Did she act any differently?"

"No, no, all she wanted was to be well enough again to see you, to be a regular part of your life again."

Spencer smiled softly, patting Toby's arm as he leaned, once again, into her touch, as if her touch gave him the strength that he otherwise lacked.

"She loved you so much, Toby."

"Thank you, sir," he whispered, his voice completely broken, as he bowed his head to wipe the stray tears.

Spencer did her best to comfort him, as she looped her arm through his, and remained that way through the duration of their visit.

"Well, if you can't tell me anything else, I think we'll be on our way," Toby said, starting to stand up, with Spencer right beside him.

"Would you tell your mother to stay away from that blond girl!" Palmer shouted after them.

Toby stopped short in his tracks, as did Spencer. "Blond girl?" he asked.

"Yes. That woman is a bad influence, she was giving out all the wrong vibes."

"I'll tell her," Toby said quietly. "Thank you."

* * *

It had been an emotionally exhausting day, and Spencer was just relieved to be able to retreat to the sanctuary of her room, as she sank down into the bed.

Her muscles felt like they were on fire, as did her heart.

It had been sobering, seeing Toby cry over his mother, and she wasn't sure how to think about that. It would have been an honor to have been able to meet her, and see her the way Toby talked about her.

"Spence?"

"Go away, Emily," she called, burying her face deeper in her pillows, as she pulled the covers over her face.

"Hey," Emily said, "where have you been today?"

"I was with Toby."

The mattress sagged under Spencer, as Emily took a seat. Blinking her eyes open, Spencer saw her friend leaning over her, obviously concerned.

"Doing what?"

"It was personal," she murmured sleepily. "I'm sorry, but can we continue this conversation later?"

Emily shrugged. "Fine, but is everything okay? You know, with you two?"

"It's fine," she muttered, already closing her eyes. "Goodnight."

"It's not night."

"Good day."


	8. Chapter 8

"What did he mean by the 'blond girl'?" Toby asked, running his hands through his short hair in irritation, as he glanced over at his girlfriend, who was running her tongue along the back of an envelope. "Spence?"

"Sorry, hold on a second," Spencer said, before smoothly closing the envelope and putting it on the table, along with the stack of other similar envelopes she had licked. "I just have to get these signed and out."

Multi-tasking had been a skill that most Hastings women had mastered in the course of their lifetime. Spencer, who's graduation was in less than a month, had been busy mailing out invitations to the party that her parents were throwing her the night of the ceremony.

"Do you think Palmer was just imagining things?" Toby asked, once Spencer had finally decided to come up for air.

"Anything is possible," Spencer said with a grimace. "He thought your mother was still _alive_."

If anything had disturbed her from that visit, it had been hearing Palmer talk about Marion as if she were still alive, as if she was still very much apart of the world, and what was going on in it.

"But _who _would be the blond girl _if _he's not as sane as he looks?"

"It could be Ali, or even Cece for all we know."

It was frustrating not having an answer, or even better, a _face _to all the problems they had faced in the two years since Ali had died, and even more frustrating when the problems only seemed to be piling up as they spoke.

"The way Palmer said it," Toby said, folding his hands in front of his face. "It was like, it was something my mother was _worried _about. But why wouldn't she talk to us about it?"

"You don't know," Spencer said, scootching over to be nearer to him. "You don't know if your mother knew anything, or if he's just crazy, and seeing what we saw, the latter is looking more and more likely."

"Is it another A trick?"

"I don't know," Spencer said quietly, "but you have to be so careful, because you don't know. None of us do."

"I know."

If being on the team as a double agent had taught him anything, it was that none of them ever really _knew _the game. Not really, not unless Big A chose to reveal it at some point in their lives.

"Do you think sending out two hundred invites will be enough?"

"That depends-are you planning on inviting the entire town, or just a few people?"

"Funny," she said, rolling her eyes. "My parents are inviting the entire club, and they told me to take care of the rest. You know, a Hastings has to work, even if it's _their _graduation."

In reality, all she wanted was for it to be over. She was excited about starting the next phase of her life, and ging to school.

"Are you excited about starting school?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. I'm not looking foreword to spending time away from you, though."

"True, but we have the entire summer to worry about that."

"I know," she whispered, massaging his cheek. "And I intend on making the most of it."

That weekend, the three other girls called and organized a sleepover party in Spencer's guesthouse, something they had never done before, and something that was on their bucket list of things to do before graduation.

"So, here's to having this _amazing _guesthouse, and to graduation," Hanna said, raising a glass of the beer she had snagged from her mother's fridge.

"Cheers," the four friends chorused.

"And cheers to Spencer for scoring her _second _major Ivy League victory," Aria said, squeezing Spencer around the shoulders. "NYU isn't going to know what hit 'em."


	9. Chapter 9

It was hard to believe that four years of high school, and it all came to an end in one night. Not to anyone's surprise, Spencer had achieved near perfect SAT scores to carry her through college, and unknown to anyone else, had survived through some of the worst experiences anyone could ever hope to come across, and had managed to write _the_ perfect valedictorian speech.

Standing in the hall outside the auditorium where the ceremony would be held, Spencer could hardly believe that it was _really _over, that she and her friends were just minutes from graduating and walking out of those double doors for the last time.

"Look at _us_," Hanna squealed, playing with the tassel on her purple graduation cap. "We look _amazing_!"

Indeed, Spencer found it hard to disagree, as she studied her friends, the ones who more like family to her than her _actual _family, and the ones who had been there for her, consistently, for five years.

"Guys," Aria said, her face a bright red as it shone with excitement. "We're actually here at our _graduation_!"

"Glad you finally got the memo," Spencer said dryly, rolling her eyes, as she scanned the hallway. Most of the students and their family's, had migrated inside the auditorium, but Spencer and her friends, had wanted to soak up as much of the freedom as they could while it lasted.

"We should toast," Emily said, holding up her plastic cup full of punch. "To graduating."

"Cheers," the three other girls chorused.

"To the ones we lost," Spencer said, her eyes involuntarily filling with tears as images of the countless number of people they had lost, filled her retinas. "To Alison."

"To Alison," they echoed together.

"To Maya," Emily said.

Spencer nodded sympathetically, as she comfortingly rubbed her friend's shoulder.

If anyone deserved to be at the ceremony, it was Maya. Emily's first love, and a sweet girl who's life had been cruelly cut short at the hands of another.

"Ladies," principle Hackett said, poking his head out. "We're ready to begin the ceremony."

The auditorium was packed full of people. Friends, family, and others that had come out to support the graduating class of Rosewood High.

Almost immediately, Spencer spotted her mother and father, Melissa and Toby, seated near the front row, smiling expectantly at her, as she took her place on stage near the other student body.

"Welcome," Hackett said, approaching the podium, the same one where Spencer would, at the end of the night, deliver her valedictorian speech. "To the graduating class of 2012."

The night passed in a blur for Spencer. She vaguely recalled seeing countless and nameless students pass by her to receive their diplomas, before she and her friend's names were called.

Feeling fresh tears of victory and pride leak out of the corners of her eyes, she gratefully accepted the diploma, feeling before, as if this moment would never come as she posed for her family briefly, before leaving the stage.

When her name was finally called to deliver the speech, she approached the podium, her legs resembling the feeling of Jell-O, as she cleared her throat in uncharacteristic nervousness.

"Can I just start off by saying how _proud _I am of all of you?" she said, turning and gesturing to the students behind her. "_We _made it. All of us together."

As she focused on the light at the back of the room, her eyes momentarily misted over as she thought about her next topic of conversation.

"Graduating is about expressing memories of school, and how crazy and wild we were. For my friends and me, the same holds true. We lived, we partied," she smiled, "but each of us also learned something along the way."

She could feel her eyes misting over, and was powerless to stop it. "I found love," she said, looking down as her voice broke. "And I learned to receive it. For each of us, we achieved something we never thought would be possible before. But we also lost people along the way."

Alison, Maya, Garrett, Marion, too many to name.

"Each of our goals, each of our dreams for the future, that's what we hold on to as we move into the next phase of our lives. None of it would have been possible without the supreme help of our teachers, of our coaches and most importantly, our _friends_."

Grinning, as she wrapped up her speech, she grabbed her graduation cap from her head, and threw it in the air. It was a rite of passage, and it felt more freeing and right than anything had that night.

The entire room broke into an ear-shattering round of applause as she untangled herself from the embraces of her teachers and friends, searching for the nearest exit so she could get her breath back.

Finally finding requiem in the hall, she leaned against the wall, waiting for her friends and family to flood out the doors. It was really over, she was an eighteen, almost nineteen-year-old, with a diploma, and her entire life before her.

"Wonderful speech, honey," her mother said, catching her in a hug. "Your father thought so, too."

"Thanks, Mom," Spencer whispered. "What about Melissa?"

"She thought so, too," her mother assured her. "You all are coming to the club, right?"

"Yeah."

Her parents had planned and organized an after-graduation party at the country club, and had invited her entire graduating class to attend.

"Okay, see you later."

"I'm so proud of you," Toby said, smiling down at her, before wrapping his arms around her. "You were outstanding in that speech."

"Thank you," Spencer whispered, before tucking her head under his chin. "I'm glad you liked it."

"It was _perfect_."

So was the feeling of being locked beside him, as he, she, and her friends, walked out of the building for the last time, and found their car to head to the club for the party.


	10. Chapter 10

It should have been an euphoric time for Spencer, as she surveyed the guests at the clubhouse, watching as the people she had known her entire life, mingled and danced, completely unaware of her inner turmoil.

Graduation and going to college, had always been a dream that had been ingrained in her brain from the time she had scored her first A, and it had been a dream that she had boldly taken upon her own, less enthusiastic shoulders.

But now that she had finally accomplished it, and had, for the moment, won her family's approval, it all came crashing down like a pile of boulders.

NYU was only two hours away, but the idea of maintaining a long distance relationship, was terrifying, especially when she knew how distracted she could get with studying and maintaining her perfect grade point average.

Aria, Emily, Hanna, they didn't have the same pressures on them as she did. They come from relatively normal family's, who were just proud they had managed to score college invites, not anything else.

"Hey," Aria said. "Having fun?"

"I guess," Spencer said, plastering on a brave front for her friend's sake. "_You _look like you are."

Indeed, she had a cup of punch, probably spiked, in her hand, and was slightly out of breath from dancing with Jake all night. It was nice, watching her friends having the time of their lives.

They certainly deserved it after all the hell they had been put through.

"Aren't you?"

Spencer shrugged, waving Aria's hand off as it began to rub her shoulder. "It just kind of sank in all of a sudden, all of _this_."

Aria nodded understandingly. "I know, Spence, but it's a _good _thing."

"I know. Go back to Jake, I'm sure he's wondering where you disappeared to."

"Okay."

Spencer allowed a half-smile to grace her lips when she saw Aria go back up to Jake, planting a chaste kiss on his cheek, before dragging him back onto the dance floor.

That was what she celebrated, that they could have one, A-free night. It was all she had wanted, and she had gotten it.

"Having fun?" a honey-soft voice whispered in her ear.

"Hmm, yes," she replied, allowing her body to free-fall against Toby's soft, but muscular chest.

"Liar," he replied bluntly, before gently turning her so that they faced each other. "Tell me what's bothering you tonight, Spence."

"Not tonight," she whispered, casting a glance at all of her friends and how deliriously happy they all looked. "Tomorrow, please?"

"Okay," he acquiesced. "Tomorrow."


	11. Chapter 11

"This is the one of the last times we'll be able to do this," Spencer mused, running her fingers one at a time down Toby's bare back. "You know, I'll miss you."

"It doesn't have to be like you're saying. We'll see each other on weekends, and holidays."

Spencer nodded, sucking in a deep breath to ward the infuriating tears away from falling down her face. It had been a perfect summer, minus A, and she dreaded seeing it go.

College was exciting, something she had aspired to do since the time she could walk or even form a coherent sentence, but so much had changed since she had made those commitments.

"It will be different," she pointed out. "Weird."

"I know," he said, before twisting his body around, and planted a series of kisses down her spine. "But can we _not _think about that until game day?"

"Okay," she agreed hesitantly, before leaning up and blessing his mouth with a kiss.

That weekend, she was supposed to make the journey back to New York to drop off some of her things in her new dorm, and meet her new roommates. While she would have preferred having someone she already knew, it was a rite of passage that many college-aged kids had to do.

"Do you want me to go New York with you?"

"Only if you want to."

Soaking up as much time with Toby as she could, had been a top priority of hers. It had been devastating, imagining even a second of her life without him in it.

"I do."

"Well, good."

"Then we have your birthday."

"Hmm, yeah."

Everything had been planned for her birthday, right down to the food and what cake she would be blowing out the candles on. Nineteen was such a milestone, and it was a milestone she honestly thought she would never reach, not with how insane her life had been in recent years.

It was a two hour drive to New York, but it was bearable, especially with Toby riding shotgun, and several bags of her things stored in the backseat.

"Are you alright on gas?"

"Yeah," Spencer nodded.

Her dorm room was small, moderately sized, but nice for what she was paying. It had two twin-sized beds, and one small TV mounted on the wall.

"Nice," Toby said, nodding approvingly.

"I know," Spencer nodded, taking pictures of the room to report back to her mother. She had wanted to go on the trip, but had understood that her daughter and Toby needed that time together.

"Your roommate was nice."

"Yeah, she was."

Her future roommate had been a little too perky for her taste, but had also reminded her of Hanna, so that was a plus she hadn't factored.

"You ready to go back?"

"Yeah, for the last time."


	12. Chapter 12

The crickets were chirping, the lake water lulling smoothly, as a party raged inside the moderate-sized Hastings family lake house. Nineteen was a huge achievement for many, and no one was taking that for granted, as the guests mingled and chatted with one another, all the while keeping an eye out for the guest of honor.

By that time, everyone knew that Spencer had been accepted to NYU, and in a way, this party was as much a sendoff, as it was a celebration of her birthday.

That thought certainly wasn't far from Spencer's mind, as she linked arms with Emily and Toby in preparation for the craziness that was about to ensue.

Hanna had taken it upon herself to plan the party, and as such, it was guaranteed to be a blowout that no one would likely ever forget.

While she appreciated her friend's efforts, Spencer had to laugh at how oblivious Hanna was to her friend's personal tastes.

"You ready to go in there and greet everyone?" Toby asked, linking his hand through Spencer's.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Spencer said, inhaling a deep breath, as she marched confidently through the front door to a rousing round of applause and "happy birthday's."

Spencer had to grudgingly admit, Hanna had done a good job on the party. The decorations, were for the most part, in good taste, except for the obnoxious keg in the middle of the room.

"This has Hanna written all over it," Emily said, glancing wide-eyed around at the hundreds of people that had flocked to the party.

"One last blowout before we leave each other," Aria said, who had seen their arrival and had come to join them.

"Hey," Spencer said defensively, "you guys are acting like we'll never see each other again. That's not true."

If anything, it wast the exact opposite. She had wanted to leave Rosewood since she could remember anything, but that didn't mean that she felt the same about leaving her friends.

"I know," Aria said, "but it will be different."

"_Way _different," Emily agreed.

The rest of the party went off without a hitch. The highlight of the night, was when Hanna jumped on the table, and did karaoke, and then took a shot from the keg.

Spencer and the other girls were more subdued as they calmly sipped their drinks, and observed the scene around them. It was definitely a nineteen-appropriate party.

Truth be told, even though she was offered countless alcoholic drinks, she declined. It was more than a feeling she had inside of her, and she couldn't shake the feeling that it would be wrong.

She had been holding onto this secret for a few weeks now, and had been waiting for the right time to divulge it to the rest of the world.

But she knew that if she was going to tell anyone, she had to start with the most important person in her life.

"I can't believe I finally got you alone," Toby joked, as they sat out on the dock, his arm wrapped securely around her as they watched the different birds and boaters out in the distance.

"Yeah, I know," Spencer said, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. "So much is going to change."

In more ways than one.

"I know, but we can weather it."

"I know," she agreed, lying her head on his shoulder, intertwining their hands together.

"Is something else going on, Spence?"

He was giving her an opening to tell him, even if he didn't realize just what she was going to tell him.

"I found out something, right after we got home from taking my things to NYU."

"What?"

There was no going back, and she knew it.

"I'm pre-I'm pre-"

"Spence?"

"I'm pregnant."


End file.
